Computer Science: There's a bug somewhere in this shitttttttttttttttttttttttttt
Database: Where did I put that shit
Compiler: I don't care if it's shit, as long as it has semicolons in the right places.
1st-law-of-robotics-ism: Robots can not shit or let shit come to happen.
UNIX: Bowel fault. Shit dumped.
VAX/VMS: No Privilege for attempted shit.
DOS: It's shit, but it's compatible.
Windows: The same shit as DOS, only GUIer.
X/Motif: That's anotherclient's shit. PDP-11: It USED to be good shit...
Cray: If this code weren't such a piece of shit, they wouldn't NEED a supercomputer...
Macintosh: ('nuff said)
Pascal: Hey! That shit's the wrong type!
C: It's shit, but it's efficient.
C++: It's shit that's in a CLASS by itself.
Assembler: 0x000000: 53 68 69 74 20 48 61 70 70 65 6E 73 21
Ada: It's a PACKAGE of shit, AND it'sPRIVATE shit.
Lisp: (defun Does_Shit_Happen(exp)(cond(t t)))
Fortran: It's shit, but I don't know any better.
Cobol: IT-IS-DEFINITELY-OLD-SHIT, BUT-IT'S-JOB-SECURITY.
BASIC: It's shit.
Statistician: There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe.
Physicist (Theoretical): Shit SHOULD happen.
Physicist (Experimental): To within experimental error, shit DID happen.
Engineer: I hope this shit holds together.
Chemist: I hope this shit doesn't blow up. Gee, what'll happen if I mix this and ... SHIT!!!! Damn this shit smells...
Biologist: Is this shit alive?
Botanist: What this daisy needs is some fresh shit.
Economist: I hope no one figures out that I don't really understand this shit.
Beurocrat: I'm sorry, but we can't make this shit happen until you fill out form XJ-314159 to make an appointment with our Assistant Sub-Deputy Manager to obtain form ZN-271828...
Lawyer: For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of ANY shit.
Doctor: Take two shits and call me in the morning. Yes, it's definitely a case of shit happening. $90, please...
Acupuncturist: Hold still or it will hurt like shit. Let all that shit go. This will really get the energy shit moving.
Surgeon: Shit, where's this organ supposed to go?
Psychologist: Shit is in your mind. Everything that happens is shit; some of it is just repressing its subconscious shittiness.
Programmer: It's shit, but at least it compiles.
Social Scientist: Let's pretend that shit doesn't happen...
Historian: The same shit happens again and again.
Politician: It's shit, but it'll get me elected. If you elect me, shit will never again happen. Shit happening is bad for the economy. My Fellow Americans, All I stand for is shit.
Waitress: You want fries with that shit?
Teacher: Repeat after me: one shit + one shit=
A Professor: Let's see how crazy they'll be neck-deep in my shit. Hey! I've got tenure! I don't give a shit about students.
Dean: Let's see how much shit the faculty'll take.
Accountant: Why doesn't this shit add up?
Linguist: What I'm doing is a bunch of feces tauri. (For non-Latin-speakers: feces tauri=the excrement of a male bovine)
Quality Control Inspector: This shit ain't good enough.
Marketing: This shit could sell, if only it came in different colors.
IRS Auditor: I'll make 'em squirm for putting this shit on their tax forms.
Farmer: I get subsidies for my shit.
Union leader: Give us more shit or we'll strike.
Mafia boss: Rub the little shits out.
NYC Cab Driver: Oops, looks like I hit that shit...
Mechanic: Shit... this will cost a lot, mister. Chef: It needs some more of this green shit.
Musician: This shit is out of tune.
Artist: Helms likes it, it is shit. Shit, I wish I'd thought of that. Anything you can buy for $2.99 isn't art, it's shit.
Poet: My childhood was shit -- let me Share. Ode to a Grecian Shit. My love is like a red, red shit. ... and miles to go before I shit, and miles to go before I shit...
Developer: Shit happens on a daily basis, that's why we have maintainance programmers.
NASA: For a mere couple of billion dollars, we can make your shit disappear into space.
IBM: Big Blue Shit.
Motorola: Our shit is Six Sigma.
Apple: We don't want this shit unless it makes a profit. That shit looks and feels like our shit!
Microsoft: NO! That shit looks and feels like OUR shit!
Intel: The shit inside.
McDonalds: You want fries with your McShit?
Taco Bell: Shit, shit supreme!
GM/Saturn: If it needs to be recalled, it's probably our shit.
Ford: Our shit is Job One. Have you had a shit lately?
BMW: The ultimate shitting machine
Chevy: The shitbeat of America VW: Fahrvergshitgen.
Toyota: I LOVE when you shit on me. (See also masochism)
Volvo: Our shit is boxy but it's good.
Sony: Everyone wants our shit.
Coca-Cola: It's the Real Shit.
Pepsi: The shit of a new generation.
WalMart: We sell our shit for less, always.
In the Beginning was The Plan And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without form And The Plan was completely without substance And the darkness was upon the face of the workers And they spoke among themselves, saying : 'It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh' And the workers went to their Supervisors and sayeth : 'It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof' And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them : 'It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, Such that none may abide by it.' And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth : 'It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide it's strength.' And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying one to another, 'It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong.' And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth unto them : 'It promotes growth and is very powerful.' And the Vice Presidents went unto the President and sayeth unto him, 'This new plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of this Company, and in these Areas in particular.' And the President looked upon The Plan, And he saw that it was good, and The Plan became Policy
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